Sunday, December 12, 2010

hodge podge

1. Not much to report on the training front. Due to a combination of time constraints, knee pain, and sloth I have really fallen off on the running. Last run was 5.5 miler at home over Thanksgiving. Planning to get things restarted this week though.

2. I went to the dermatologist Friday about this spot on my left cheek that's been growing for the past couple years. Given my history of an epic sunburn from a Matagorda Island trip without sunscreen, I was worried about it. Here's how the visit went down:
Doc: Hmm, let me take a look at that.
Me: I'm kind of worried because of this terrible sunburn I had.
Doc: Looks like actinic keratosis. I'll just freeze it off. Okay?
Me: Okay.
Doc: [casually grabs innocuous blue can] This is 200 below zero so it might pinch a little.
Me: [wince as he aims at my face, very near my eye]
Doc: I'll put my hand here to shield your eye. [pulls trigger] It might be pink for a few days. [still spraying]
Me: ...
Me: ...
Me: Oh sweet merciful Tebow! What the hell is wrong with you? My face is on fucking fire! What have I done? What have I done? God almighty what the hell have I done?

It stopped burning about 30 minutes later, rougly 10 minutes before I would have driven into oncoming traffic to end the pain.

3. UT football is in complete disarray right now. Muschamp wanted Mack to retire, which he would have if not for the injury to Colt in the NCG last year and the shit-tastic season this year. Mack refused. Muschamp got an offer he couldn't refuse. All that remains to be seen is if he will take the rest of the staff with him. I've read reports that he wants Akina, Giles, and Applewhite. That would leave Mack with only Kennedy and Chambers, and Kennedy has been widely rumored to be on the way out. Muschamp and Applewhite were the two best recruiters on the staff the last two years. Akina is a very solid recruiter. If Akina and Major leave Texas is quadrafucked. They can replace Muschamp with a big name and keep things rolling, but in order for this year's recruiting class to not fall apart Major and Akina must stick around.
Mack and DeLoss, if you're reading, here is my proposal for what the staff should look like next year:
DC/LB: Randy Shannon -- excellent DC, excellent recruiter, black
DT/ST: Dick Tomey -- short timer with enough fire left, an old friend for Mack to lean on
DB/Assistant HC: Duane Akina (you have to essentially re-recruit and hire him at this point) -- holds recruiting class together, continues the good kind of consistency
DE: Oscar Giles -- successful, bleeds orange, continuity, black
co-OC/QB: Major Applewhite -- holds recruiting class together, excellent recruiter, fire and energy and intelligence that has been sorely lacking
co-OC/OL: Bob Bostad -- Wisconsin has a great OL every damn year, input on the run game would be fabulous
RB: Bruce Chambers -- helps hold recruiting class together (not as critical as Major/Akina though), moves back to a position he's coached before
WR: hell if I know, Kennedy could stay to keep continuity in a time of change, but honestly he's done a terrible job with guys like Kirkendoll, Mal, and Chiles
TE: Joe Rudolph -- Wisconsin has tight ends that are a positive in the running game and passing game every year, and they do it with a bunch of slow Midwest honkies (i.e., Greg Smith would have been made into a productive player under this guy), also reported to be an excellent recruiter and evaluator
TE (alternate): Tim Brewster -- recruited Vincent Paul Young what the fuck else is there to say, the guy should be made head coach in waiting for that shit

Recruiting Coordinator: Chambers can continue in that capacity unless Brewster is brought back
Strength and Conditioning: whoever Todd Wright recommends

I hope Mack reconceptualizes his staff organization. He has five areas that need excellent leadership: offense, defense, special teams, strength/conditioning, and recruiting (NOT listed in order of importance). Most staffs seem to place a premium on OC and DC and the rest get short-changed. Bullshit. Pay each of these five coordinators in the 500k range and demand excellence from all of them. Position coaches should be in the 150k range with bonuses for recruiting successes and NFL draftees.

That's what I think.

4. Sidebar updated.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Things I Can't Say on Facebook: 5

Dude, you grew up in Houston. It's time to adopt Western hygiene practices. You smell like curried asshole and I can't stand to be in the same room with you. I can't imagine your patients think too highly of the experience either. I mean, damn.

week 9

The schedule this month just has not been kind to my training schedule. I did 6 miles today in 49:10. A little slow because I spent most of the first mile dicking around with the crappy ear buds on my mp3 player. It would have been even worse except the last 1/4 mile I passed a kid on his bike, which he didn't like so he started pedaling like crazy and passed me. I ain't no bitch for some punk ass kid on a bike, so I went full on sprint and caught him after about 70 yards. I tried to keep it up but I petered out with about 50 yards to go and stumbled across the 6 mile mark.

Ahead of that kid.

Monday, November 8, 2010

week 8

Not much to report. I only got the long run in again. I couldn't get the stopwatch app on my mp3 player to work so I don't have the exact time, but I did 6 miles in less than 48 minutes. I'm pretty much right on pace and should be able to shave a little more time off in the next few weeks. If my right knee lets me. It will put up with me for about 4.5 to 5 miles, then I can put up with it for about a half mile, and the last half mile is just grinding my teeth and dreaming of ice packs. Kind of sucks, honestly.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

week 7

Just got in the long run again this week. Did 6 miles in 48:36. I deliberately took it easy the first 3 miles, finishing it in 26:24. At 5 miles I was at 41:20 and kicked it up a notch. Felt good to finish strong, but I need to be a little better from the start.

Things I Can't Say on Facebook: 4

3 of the last 5 dumps I've taken at home have broken the toilet.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Longhorn football rant

This is shaping up to be a very disappointing year for the Longhorns. I mean, home loss to Iowa fucking State? You gotta be kidding me. Here are my thoughts on what has led to the current state of affairs.

1. Bad luck/poor character evaluation: Marcus Davis, Andre Jones, Jarvis Humphrey, Robert Joseph, Brian Ellis, James Henry -- just on defense. Those guys could have been HUGE for the DT rotation (Jones, Humphrey, Ellis) and DB (if Joseph is less thug Gideon never sees the field at Texas, and Marcus Davis had a shot to kick Chykie to the curb). On offense you get Buck Burnette, JaMarcus Webb, Roy Watts, Josh Marshall, Brandon Collins, Ian Harris, Blaine Irby, Dan Buckner, and DJ Grant. This group would bolster the weakest units on the team. Collins and Buckner would provide two sure-handed receivers. Irby and Grant give you legit threats at the TE position. This does not take into account the poor talent/ability evaluation by the coaches.
2. Poor recruiting/development: Not sure whether the problem with this group lies in poor evaluation of the innate talent, or the inability to properly develop that talent.
- 2006: Chykie Brown, Steve Moore, Britt Mitchell, Greg Smith, Phillip Payne, Montre Webber
- 2007: John Chiles, Ben Wells, Russell Carter, Tray Allen, Aundre McGaskey, Ahmard Howard, James Kirkendoll (and Malcolm Williams only because he should be playing safety)
- 2008: Nolan Brewster, Blake Gideon, Dravannti Johnson, Mark Buchanan, Luke Poehlmann, Brock Fitzhenry, Jeremy Hills, Ryan Roberson
- 2009: Chris Whaley, Eryon Barnett, Tariq Allen, Patrick Nkwopara, Calvin Howell, Derek Johnson
This does not take into account the players that could have been on the roster in place of some of these dead weights.
3. Poor coaching, including recruiting decisions:
-The O-line is coached, I'm fairly certain, by Gabriel "Gabe" Solis. The penalties this year are ridiculous. The lack of development across the board at this position is embarassing. Recruiting at the position has been bizarre. It's like they're just throwing numbers at the position in hopes that the law of averages will give them enough decent players. That's great, except that 80% or more of the players recruited have been interior linemen rather than tackles.
-Wide receivers are clearly not taught the finer points of the position such as running beyond the first down marker on 3rd and 4th down. The current group has unreliable hands (to be charitable), gives poor effort blocking down field, and has no rapport with their QB. Texas has not offered a lot of incredibly talented guys at this position in recent years, and yet the roster is loaded with guys like Brock Fitzhenry and Greg Timmons who are unlikely to ever be contributors. The future at least looks bright for this position with Mike Davis, Darius White, and their redshirting classmates as well as Desean Hales.
-Running back is a huge mystery. Cody Johnson has proven, by this point, that he can be successful in the zone-blocking spread system, and yet he never gets the chance to establish himself and pound on the defense for more than 3 or 4 plays at a time. Fozzy has been consistent this year, the first time he's stayed healthy, and the last two games they've gone away from him, inexplicably. DJ Monroe is one of the fastest guys on the team, gets positive yards consistently, and can't get on the field. They promised Whaley he'd be the only RB taken his year and he's not even a RB anymore. There were better RBs available to the University of Texas in 2008 than Hills and Newton, namely Lamichael James and Jaquizz Rogers. In 2009 they could have had Christine Michael. In 2010 they took a single guy from 1A ball. He might be great, but it's a risk when you're not stocked at the position.
-Offensive coordinator refuses to develop game plans that highlight his players strengths and attack the opponents weakness (outside the Nebraska game). He appears willing to throw away the first two possessions of every game for the opportunity to see how the defense is going to react to his alignments. The internet is full of angry pixels burning on this subject, so I'm not going to belabor it. I'll simply say Greg Davis has not put his players in the position to succeed. All of the above complaints can be laid at least partially at his feet as well.
Not many complaints on the actual defensive coaching other than the frustrating inability of Chykie Brown to improve at all. He is the exact same player now as he was the first day he showed up on campus. The other issues on defense relate to the bad luck/recruiting decisions outlined above.

The good news is that recruiting, especially on the defensive side of the ball, has been impressive the last two years. If the defensive line can avoid the crippling attrition and bad luck of the last four years, they should be set. With Jeffcoat and Wilson showing up college-ready from day one the DE spot is secure. The four true freshman DTs provide depth even if none of them break out into stars (though I expect one or two of them will). Desmond Jackson in next year's class should be an impact guy early. On offense it looks like Adrian White and Adrian Phillips, and probably Demarco Cobbs are all keepers from this freshman class at DB and they've got 5 guys in next year's class who could play DB (Thompson might be WR, Diggs might be RB). RB is also looking up with Diggs, Malcolm Brown, and Joe Bergeron all showing the talent to potentially contribute early. Wide receiver has had some success as well with Mike Davis and Darius White contributing this year while Chris Jones could be Brandon Collins and John Harris provides a big target in the mold of Dan Buckner. Next year's class has Shipley junior which is nothing but good news, but the other guy doesn't really do much for me. They've gotten 3 Texas-good QBs in the last 3 classes, not to mention Colt's little brother who might make me look as silly as Colt did.
Offensive line recruiting continues to be a mystery. Last year they took zero tackle prospects when that was already the thinnest spot across the line. Next year they've committed six linemen, but one of them broke his leg (actually came to junior day in a wheelchair) and is about the 3rd best lineman on his HS team this year. Unless the coach changes, I don't expect to see a lot of improvement here.
Bottom line is Greg Davis has to go. He's not the only problem, but he brings nothing to the recruiting table, has no cohesive offensive identity, and does not game plan well outside of one game per year. Fire Greg Davis. Do it. Do it now. Or at least pull some strings so he gets the UNT head coaching job. Either way, make him disappear.

EDIT: I just saw Mizzou run a hook and lateral off a WR screen against OU. Let's get their guy. The WR screen gets overplayed against Texas routinely by opposing defenses, that play would make them pay for it big time.

week 6

The week that wasn't. Turns out working 6AM to 6:30 or 7PM and then taking care of kids until 8:00 isn't that conducive to running. Having to do literature searches for 2-3 hours after that doesn't leave a lot of time for board prep either. Hopefully next week settles down, but I may have to accept only getting to work out on my one day off a week for this entire month. In other news everyone in my family has the same cold.

I did get in a 5 mile run in 39:28 last week, so I was pretty much on target until this week. I'm thinking by the time the Capitol 10k rolls around I can shoot for 47 minutes instead of 50. That would put me safely in the top 20% for my age group most years, though far off the top pace of 5:30/mile. That's fucking fast.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Things I Can't Say on Facebook: 3

I just spent 20 minutes giving birth to two billiard balls that both wanted to go first. Fucking sucked and my ass is tore up now.

Monday, October 11, 2010

week 5 part 4

Not sure how my posts got off on the numbering, but for future reference the long run marks the end of a training week for me. Thus this post at the beginning of a calendar week is still about the previous week's long run, and as such, week 5.

I did the 5.5 mile run on the Katy Trail for the first time keeping time yesterday afternoon. That great yellow sphincter in the sky was squinting down at me pretty hard for an October afternoon. I deliberately did not check my splits on this run, just to see what I'd do without the clock to guide me. I ended up finishing in 48:34, closer to 9 min/mile than 8. I blame it on right knee pain after the second mile, the relative lack of pacers (other runners unwittingly serving as my rabbits), and that bloody sun. I think I'll do better this week.

If I were still going by Hal Higdon's intermediate schedule, next week would consist of 3 mile run + weights, 5.5 mile run, 10x400m sprints, 4 mile run + strength, rest, 60 minute cross train, and 7 mile run. Laughable at this point. Even if I carved out time for it by running at 5 a.m. every day, my knee would never allow it. Instead I'll shoot for weights, 5 mile run, weights, 5 mile run, weights, rest, 6 mile run. Not quite a "novice" schedule, but close. I'm still thinking once I get to a long run of 8 miles I'll either add a day of speed training or substitute for one of the short run days. Despite the poor time this week I'm still confident I'll be able to break 8 minutes/mile for the full 10k in a couple weeks. I might start looking for some 5ks to run just to get a little competitive running in and see how my pace stacks up on the real.

In other news, board review goes slowly. Thinking it's time to break out the flashcards already.

Friday, October 8, 2010

week 5 part 3

Did my second 4.5 mile run for this week. It is truly amazing to me how big a difference the presence of other runners makes in my performance. I kept an eye on my pace during the second mile today and kept it to just under 8 minutes/mile. I didn't keep the rest of my splits, but I finished strong again with a final time of 34:54, about a minute faster than a couple days ago.
My knees are sore but not swollen, which is good. I'm going to take tomorrow off and try to get a 5.5 mile run in on Sunday. I'd like to keep up the 8 minute pace, but we'll see. In about two weeks I'll add a speed day in there somewhere.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Things I Can't Say on Facebook: 2

Sorry, didn't realize we were only recruiting douchebags. Let's go ahead with the tapas bar then.

On a related note, anybody know how I can stop getting email notifications soliciting input that will invariably be ignored? Thanks.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

week 5 part 2

Did the Katy Trail again this evening. For the first time I did trail running with a reliable time keeping device. (I found a flash stopwatch for my MP3 player.) 4.5 miles in 35:52, just under 8 min/mile. I did the first mile comfortably in 8 even, but the second mile killed me as I coasted it in 9 minutes. I picked it up after that but don't have the rest of my splits until the last half mile. I smoked it in about 3:30 after seeing I was a little over 32 minutes with a half mile to go. Felt good to run fast to the finish.

Plan is to do another 4.5 mile run on Thursday and a 5.5 mile long run on Saturday or Sunday. We'll see how life intervenes this week.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Things I Can't Say on Facebook: 1

I will never go to another crowded public event with my father. It was like taking a Vietnam vet to the Asian market during Tet. No less than 3 physical confrontations, all with Texas fans. Here's a quote. "Because if you are, I will knock you on your little ass." Here's a tip, dad, if you're going to have roid rage, you probably ought to do the roids. Or your going to end up getting your old ass knocked the fuck out. Very nearly ruined a great time. I am seriously not going to another similar event with him for the rest of my life. And I guarandamntee you none of my children will be going to these types of events with him.

week 5 part 1

Last week got blown up by the viral infection that led to 3 days of diarrhea and nausea. I got my long run in, though. It was supposed to be 5.5 miles but I did 5.75 because I couldn't find the mile markers along the Katy trail at first. I don't know what the time was but it was definitely under 9 min/mile and the last 3 miles was much faster than the first 2.75. In fact, I was kicking ass until about the 5.25 mile mark when I suddenly felt like an AIDS patient on first generation antiretrovirals. I had to shit, and shit quick. I was seriously looking for bushes to hide behind but the traffic on the trail was just too heavy. I finished the run, got to the car, and hauled ass home. The only time I've felt more relief than the moment my bare and still clean ass hit the toilet was when I hit the exit on I35 to escape the lunatic pointing his gun at me.

Anyway I learned a few things on that run:
1. Having mile markers and other runners to pace me makes all the difference. If I'm running in a vacuum my natural pace is probably 9-10 min/mile, but I really pick it up when I can imagine I'm competing with some random fuck who doesn't even know I'm there.
2. Either the Katy trail has been much improved or my frame of reference has shifted considerably in the seven years since I was last on it. There are parts of it that reminded me of Central Park in the ability to completely shut out the God-forsaken city.
3. Clearly the architects of the Katy trail have never been targets of assassination plots because the trail is always along the ridgeline, exposing you to potential snipers the way Greg Davis exposes wide receivers to big hits for negative yards. (Speaking of assassination plots ... )
4. Dallas women believe strongly in the benefits of plastic surgery and in the right to take their yappy little mutts every-fucking-where.
5. Rollerblading is for tools.

Friday, October 1, 2010

fuck this fucking fucked up shit.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Week 4 part 1 (of 1)

Knee pain and swelling, plantar fasciitis, and allergies have limited my training the last couple of weeks. I'm definitely not up to the schedule ol' Hal Higdon has cooked up. I've settled on a regimen of running three days a week and lifting at least two days a week. No post last week because I was getting brutalized at work and only ran twice.

I've changed my running up a little bit. For one I'm trying to run outside more often. When I do have to run on the treadmill, because it's dark or raining or whatever, I set the incline on the treadmill to 1. I read that this should more closely approximate trail running. Outside I tend to run a little slower than 8 min/mile, but I'm never gassed at the end. I seem to have a very poor internal clock, and without a watch or distance markers I settle into a slower pace than I would like. On the treadmill I'm doing 4 miles with the incline up at 1 in around 31 minutes (last night was 30:57, Monday was 31:32). I keep hoping that the treadmill running will train the correct pace into my motor memory, but it doesn't seem to work that way.

Right now my plan is increasing my runs by ~10% per week. This week I'm doing two runs of 4 miles and one run of 5 miles. Next week will be 4.5 miles twice and 5.5 miles once (12% increase). I'm still shooting for 10k at 8 minutes per mile. Once I build up to a long run of about 8 miles I'm going to try and add one day of speed training where I do 4x400m sprints* with 400m walk between each one, eventually building up to 8x400m.

I try to ice my knees for at least 15 minutes after each run. I don't know if it's just the increased rest or the ice or a combination, but my right knee has not been hurting or swelling as much recently. Of course, the arch supports could also be helping.

Yes, arch supports. Why didn't anyone ever tell me I needed arch supports before? I've never known what it's like to run and not have my feet hurt afterward. Turns out my recurrent plantar fasciitis and knee pain might simply be because my feet have the same contour two-by-four.

Studying continues. Nothing much to report there other than the iPad my department gave me seems useless as a board prep tool at this point. Actually, it seems pretty useless for most things.

* Let's not get carried away here. My sprint of a 400m is probably around 100 seconds right now. With training I'd like to get it down to around 70 seconds.

Monday, September 6, 2010

week 2 part 1

Took 3 days off for the trip to POC mainly because my right knee hurt like hell and was swollen. Felt better yesterday but stayed off it just to be sure. Did my 3 mile run today and am now icing it and feeling like a dumbass. Treadmill run in 20:44. No strength today because some kids were over-running the weight room. I'll catch that up tomorrow. I'll probably go back to alternating running and lifting days with one day off until me knee gets better. This week I'll probably do 2 days lifting in a row to get an extra day between runs.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

week 1 part 2

Did the tempo run yesterday around Bachman Lake. Morningstar tells me that's a good place to buy drugs and/or get murdered. In retrospect I was the only Caucasoid out there among the dozens of people I saw. Too bad because it's a pretty nice 3 mile loop. I did 3.5 to 4 miles (hard to be sure because of poor distance marking) in the 35 minutes. Not quite on pace but I wasn't pushing it nearly enough. Without a watch or a partner to pace with I wasn't sure how fast to go. Next week I should definitely be able to get 4 to 4.5 miles in that time. I'll probably go to the track at Germany Park or hit the Katy Trail for that run.
By the way, treadmill running does not = trail running. Pushing it on the trail will get me to around an 8 minute mile pace, I think, whereas I can do a 7 minute pace on the treadmill pretty routinely now.
Today was back on the treadmill for 3 miles (21:00) and then strength training for biceps, deltoids, rotator cuff, and legs. Only I skipped the legs. I'll try and work them in tomorrow, which is supposed to be a "rest day" but whatever.

As for studying I'm still slogging through the Education Review Manual. Did a couple chapters this week which keeps me on pace for now.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010


This is now the online place to track my 10k training, and possibly beyond once I work up the balls to try a marathon.
Yesterday I started on Hal Higdon's 10k training program for intermediate runners (even though I do not fit his description of an "intermediate runner"). Did a 3 mile run in 20:47 and strength training on chest, back, lats, and triceps yesterday. Did a 3 mile run today in 20:41. Tomorrow I'm supposed to do a 35 minute "tempo run". Not too sure what that means but, hell, I'll try anything once. I only really started cardio training about five months ago and my 3 mile pace has picked up considerably, and more importantly my recovery from a 3 mile run is about two minutes instead of 20 minutes.

I don't have any particular 10k race targeted just yet, but I'll be on the lookout for one.

I guess I'll also try to post about my year long board review process. I'm currently about a third of the way through the Educational Review Manual in Neurology. Hope to finish that up by December-January. Then I'll work through Haberland's Clinical Neuropathology and Case Review Series Brain Imaging by around March. Then a couple months going through Colen Flash Review -- Neurology and Neuropathology. Finishing with Neurology for the Specialty Boards and Neurology & Psychiatry:1000 Questions to Help you Pass the Boards. I probably will not have the time to finish my epic battle against DeJong's The Neurologic Examination or Brazis's Localization in Clinical Neurology. Nor will I be able to read my new Neurology: A Queen Square Textbook, though I got that mostly as a reference anyway. We'll see how soon the wheels come off this plan. It will also be interesting to see whether I'm more dedicated to running or studying.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Things I learned or re-learned this weekend

(Sorry for the delay, technical issues)
1. My grandmother is a badass. Seriously. She just had her chest cracked open and sewn shut with wires, she had a tube down her throat, she was getting zero pain medication, and she was smiling at me. Damn.
2. My dad's conservatism trumps his intelligence. "I'm not convinced CO2 emissions are causing global warming." Okay...anything else I should take off the discussion menu: evolution, round Earth, the fact that rain is when Zeus beats off to Redtube clips of Ceres while Hera's in the shower and his seed spills down on us?
3. My mom has issues. She treated her eldest sister like a child. She treated her other sister's husband like a child. She treated her husband like a stranger. She refuses to acknowledge that her lifelong adequacy issues with regard to her older sister color their relationship to this day. She refuses to see that my dad is getting the short end of the stick in their relationship now. In her mind nothing has changed in their relationship since 1983, when in reality things have gone 180.
4. In 10 years I'll be my parents' only child with hair.
5. UT-Houston is not the flood-ravaged mess I visited on med school interviews.
6. Houston is not the dirty confusing mess I've always thought of it as since my initial foray as a driver at age 18.
7. Opera mini is a better web browser for my cell phone than the default browser, but still not the greatest.
8. Google maps cell phone app is far superior to the default map application provided by Sprint, but still far inferior to the true Google maps.
9. I might be on board with the iPad after all, though the name still sucks.
10. I like to have 10 items instead of 9 in a list.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Qualities my phone has in common with Michael Jackson

For the record, I know that Michael Jackson jokes are older than Greg Oden's knees. I just don't care.
1. Excellent voice quality (when not dead)
2. Fondled by little boys*
3. Arrived at my apartment in a box, cold and lifeless**
4. Black fades over time

*Only one boy for the phone.
**On further review that was an alien sex doll I ordered off the Internet, and NOT, in fact, Michael Jackson's corpse. Totally unrelated, but I need like a dozen AA batteries. Thanks.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

NCAA Conference Realignment

Given the recent spate of coverage across the intertubes regarding the potential for Big 10 expansion and Big 12 dissolution, I offer my remedy:
1. Big 10 takes Mizzou or Pitt to form the Big 12 2.0.
2. If #1 = Pitt, then Big East takes Mizzou or Nebraska (best either can do).
3. Pac 10 scans the carnage and smiles.
4. Texas + TAMU + OU + CU + BYU + filler school to be named later to the new Pac 16. I'm thinking Mizzou is a possibility if still available.
5. KU, KSU, OkSU, TT, and whoever's left of Mizzou/Nebraska plus TCU, Utah, and Wyoming form new Midmajor 8. If Mizzou and Nebraska already out of play consider Houston, with Baylor then joining CUSA.
6. WAC absorbs reamining 5 MWC schools to form 16 team conf.
7. In 10 years Midmajor 8 and Big East merge forming mega basketball conference that dominates the NCAA tournament for decades.

Also, the "Texas to independent" movement may get legs if Texas can come up with a distribution model that pulls in big internet bucks, since it won't be able to get a sweetheart TV deal.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Things I wish I had done for the last time, but probably haven't*

1. Gone to work early in the morning with a King Kong hangover.
2. Laughed at a racist joke.
3. Two chicks at once.
4. Lost my shit in front of my kids.
5. Failed to see how badass my life is.

* It is entirely possible that I have not only never done one of these things in the past, but that the chance of my doing it in the future is somewhere between zero percent and no fuckin' way.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Things I have done (probably) for the last time without realizing it was for the last time*

1. Peed in an oven.
2. Played Scrabble with my grandfather.
3. Two chicks at once.
4. Killed 10,000 June bugs by shooting hoops in the driveway for two hours.
5. Rocked my daughter to sleep.
6. Followed a class of football players from their junior year of high school to their rookie year in the NFL.
7. Made frozen orange juice concentrate with extra sugar.
8. Waltzed.
9. Thought I could do anything I wanted with my life.
10. Thought I could fly.

*It's possible that I may not have EVER done one of these things.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Descriptions of my back spasms

1. As if a great harpy eagle, mistaking me for it's more usual mid-sized prey, had swooped down and dug its claws into my back. Finding itself unable to lift off with its prize as expected the eagle is nonetheless unwilling to relinquish me. Instead, every step I take is interpreted not as a means of going about my daily necessities, bur rather as an attempt at escape, causing the enraged raptor to dig its talons ever deeper.

2. Mealworms. Electric mealworms. Electric mealworms with hooked fangs. Electric mealworms with hooked fangs burrowing into my paraspinal muscles, discharging 90 volts with every undulation.

3. He looks ahead, a wide plain spreading out to the purple horizon. From behind he feels the lash of a dark wind. With the wind comes a black rain that falls, not around him, but on him, and him alone. A rain cold to the point of burning. A million scalding daggers have torn his flesh in minutes.
Behind the rain he can almost see ... something. Something the color of an evil man's soul, with bleeding eyes. Something that is not a Horseman, for this is not the Apocalypse.
No, this that marches with the dark wind and calls forth the black rain is the First Footman of the Mundane. He is Pain. And he comes with dogged determination.

4. My eyes were torn open and I was made to see the Lord. And the Lord spake thus unto me: Anguish! Anguish! for you are a stiff-necked being. Anguish! for you are the barren earth upon which no good thing may grow, no matter the labor. Anguish such as you have caused those whom I love. Anguish, and it shall be better than you deserve.
At this seven times seventy demons all lit upon my back, red in tooth and claw. Seven times seventy teeth did each have and seven times seventy talons. And yay though I suffered the righteous punishment of the Lord did I realize, verily, this sucked.

5. Like a certain relative--constantly annoying and causing discomfort, but stopping just short of setting off a murderous rampage.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Good things about dementia

1. Fart in public, nobody says shit.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Worse names for Apple's new tablet than iPad

1. iSanitarynapkin
2. iTampon
3. iMenses
4. i.
5. iAmbleedingbloatedandcrampingandwhatthefuckareyoulookingatasshole
6. iForonewelcomeournewcomputingoverlords

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Reasons why this recruiting class means Texas will play for a title in two years

1. Upgrade along the D-line. Best class of defensive linemen in the Mack Brown era, for sure. DEs of both the quick end and power end variety. DTs of the Lamarr Houston and the Roy Miller variety. Look for at least three of these guys to crack the two-deep by the end of the year.

2. Upgrade at linebacker. The loss of Norton hurt Texas this year as it forced Muckelroy to play middle LB with only E. Acho and K. Robinson on the strong and weak side spots. The two deep had Acho and Robinson backing up each other with Earnest backing up Muckelroy--4 players covering 6 spots. With Norton and Earnest back next year the MLB spot is covered, but look for Tariq Allen to make a move backing up Keenan Robinson and one of Hicks, Benson, and Tevin Jackson to back up Emmanuel Acho. Of the 3 Tevin Jackson may have the most potential as MLB someday. In the recent past Texas has tried to cross-train their LBs anyway, so it's not a huge distinction.

3. Upgrade at WR, assuming this group has more Quan Cosby-s (Cosbies?) and fewer Phillip Paynes and George Walkers. Mike Davis and Darius White are likely to get in the rotation immediately, pushing guys like Chiles and Kirkendoll. Eventually Chris Jones might be the best of the group. Harris is gravy and Terrell will have to put on weight to play TE (hopefully more Jermichael Finley and less Dan Buckner).

4. The OL from 2009's class should be matured in two years with the two from this class providing quality depth. The line from this past year was the worst in the last five years and they still got to the title game.

5. Kept the best athlete in Oklahoma out of OU's hands. Who knows where he plays, but it doesn't really matter.

Don't call it a comeback

I'm going to open this back up. New format is going to be a series of lists, posted every Wednesday, punctuated by the odd rambling post about college football, music, or my career. Hopefully it will be as fun as the previous format. Even without the defaced Peanuts strips. Ideally some commentors will be moved to leave their own lists on the theme of the week.