Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Descriptions of my back spasms

1. As if a great harpy eagle, mistaking me for it's more usual mid-sized prey, had swooped down and dug its claws into my back. Finding itself unable to lift off with its prize as expected the eagle is nonetheless unwilling to relinquish me. Instead, every step I take is interpreted not as a means of going about my daily necessities, bur rather as an attempt at escape, causing the enraged raptor to dig its talons ever deeper.

2. Mealworms. Electric mealworms. Electric mealworms with hooked fangs. Electric mealworms with hooked fangs burrowing into my paraspinal muscles, discharging 90 volts with every undulation.

3. He looks ahead, a wide plain spreading out to the purple horizon. From behind he feels the lash of a dark wind. With the wind comes a black rain that falls, not around him, but on him, and him alone. A rain cold to the point of burning. A million scalding daggers have torn his flesh in minutes.
Behind the rain he can almost see ... something. Something the color of an evil man's soul, with bleeding eyes. Something that is not a Horseman, for this is not the Apocalypse.
No, this that marches with the dark wind and calls forth the black rain is the First Footman of the Mundane. He is Pain. And he comes with dogged determination.

4. My eyes were torn open and I was made to see the Lord. And the Lord spake thus unto me: Anguish! Anguish! for you are a stiff-necked being. Anguish! for you are the barren earth upon which no good thing may grow, no matter the labor. Anguish such as you have caused those whom I love. Anguish, and it shall be better than you deserve.
At this seven times seventy demons all lit upon my back, red in tooth and claw. Seven times seventy teeth did each have and seven times seventy talons. And yay though I suffered the righteous punishment of the Lord did I realize, verily, this sucked.

5. Like a certain relative--constantly annoying and causing discomfort, but stopping just short of setting off a murderous rampage.

5 comments:

Snake Diggity said...

ROFLLMMFAO!!!!


my word verification was "millestr"

desert boy said...

I knew throwing that chair at Mr. Boyle would come back to haunt you.

llogg said...

Boyle and I were cool. I allegedly tossed a desk at Senander, junior theology teacher.

desert boy said...

Oh, I know. I was just joshin'.

Ojo Rojo said...

So what you're trying to say is your back hurts?