Sunday, August 18, 2013

Monday, May 28, 2012

Surf and Turf

This was the best meal "I've" ever made:

Fresh baby spinach salad with fresh sweet corn off the cob dressed with vinaigrette (Brianna's, not made from scratch). The boy cleaned the spinach. The girl cut the corn off the cob.

Basmati rice cooked with tablespoon of olive oil and tablespoon or so of diced shallots. Phenie did everything but dice the shallots.

Sirloin steak. I got a lean 10 oz. cut and cooked it according to Alton Brown's directions. My daughter did the prep.

Lemon-basil shrimp. Got a pound of frozen scrimps and thawed them shits. Heated 3 tablespoons olive oil and sauteed 2 cloves of garlic (minced), 1 diced shallot, the corn off one ear, 10 or so whole grape tomatoes, and 3 diced carrots. When the shallots were translucent, I added the juice of two lemons, 1-2 teaspoons dried basil, and then the shrimp. Sauteed over medium heat for maybe 6-8 minutes, then covered over low heat for a few minutes while waiting on the steak. Swampy washed the tomatoes, minced the garlic, diced the carrots, and measured the basil. P-money sliced the corn off the cob, measured the oil and occasionally stirred.

I had it with Blue Moon Belgian White Beer. (But screw them for their all-Flash site.)

The combination of everything was freaking delicious, but the best part was cooking with the kids. We do that every once in a while, but I wish we (meaning I) would make a point to do it more often.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

slightly dramatized epic tale of youthful transgression

For best viewing experience click the first image and use viewer to scroll through images.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

We're only up to month four, people, it's going to be a long ride

Daddy’s first diaper change -OR- How Sweet Josephine Became Known as Sweet Exxon Valdez

| July 15th, 2005

Tuesday morning Sweet Josephine was in the hospital room with my wife and I and needed to have her diaper changed. I knew she needed her diaper changed because she contracted her entire 21 inches down to about 12 inches and grunted, releasing a funny little fart and a bad odor. Mom was in no shape to take on this task, so Dad jumped on the grenade and began to change the first diaper of what promises to be a long and illustrious career of diaper changing. Josephine is apparently a very sweet tempered baby. She did not scream or wail during the changing process. While I painstakingly swabbed her bottom with a washcloth, however, she did kick her feet — into, and out of, the steamy little black puddle in her now-open diaper.This resulted in flecks of meconium going everywhere. Sweet right? So I neutralize her little legs with one hand and use the other to continue swabbing. I get rid of the offending diaper. I continue wiping away, desperate to remove every speck of impurity from her perfect new skin. She farts. A little warning shot across the bow, if you will. I paid no heed and continued my wiping. Then the oil spill began. I swear she oozed soft black feces onto her clean blanket for a full minute or more. At least I prevented anymore poo-flinging with the feet, but damn I felt stupid. My friends, take heed, when a little girl farts in your face, it is no idle threat.
Might be my favorite post ever. Even my mom read that one.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

And another

Ask not for whom the bell tolls | June 18th, 2005 …it tolls for me.


But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? Tis the USMLE and I am fucked. Wish me luck.
This post exemplifies something that I find funny that a lot of people don't get. Absurd juxtaposition is comedic to me. Shakespeare and "I'm fucked" in consecutive sentences? Comedic gold, baby.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

More Greatest (ahem) Hits

Stop the inanity! | May 25th, 2005
A bacteria grown on blood agar can be described as alpha, beta, or gamma hemolytic. Alpha hemolysis denotes that the organism performs an incomplete lysis and is inferred from the green pigment surrounding the bacterial colonies. Beta hemolytic organisms perform complete hemolysis and have a clear halo around colonies. So let’s recap, we’ve got incomplete and complete hemolysis. What other type of hemolysis could there be that necessitates a gamma designation? Extra complete — for the microbe that gives 110%?
No, gamma hemolysis refers to the absence of lysis. WTF? That is not gamma hemolysis. It is simply NO hemolysis. These organisms are not hemolytic. I’ve come up with a few examples that show what life might be like if the microbiologists who thought up gamma hemolysis were in charge.
  • As he’s writing the ticket, you can explain to the police officer that you were a little confused about what to do at a gamma go sign.
  • Congratulations to hundreds of thousands of Americans who are no longer unemployed. They all have new gamma jobs!
  • I’m sorry, Mrs. Smith. We did all we could to save him, but Mr. Smith is now gamma alive.
  • Our president isn’t dumb. He’s simply gamma smart.
  • I am so incredibly gamma prepared to be a parent. I’ll probably gamma win father of the year.
  • Actually, the microbiologists tell me W really is dumb. Okay, but his ideals and policies are gamma representative of the citizenry.
I don't think this is funny any more, but I remember thinking it was hilarious when I wrote it.