Monday, May 28, 2012

Surf and Turf

This was the best meal "I've" ever made:

Fresh baby spinach salad with fresh sweet corn off the cob dressed with vinaigrette (Brianna's, not made from scratch). The boy cleaned the spinach. The girl cut the corn off the cob.

Basmati rice cooked with tablespoon of olive oil and tablespoon or so of diced shallots. Phenie did everything but dice the shallots.

Sirloin steak. I got a lean 10 oz. cut and cooked it according to Alton Brown's directions. My daughter did the prep.

Lemon-basil shrimp. Got a pound of frozen scrimps and thawed them shits. Heated 3 tablespoons olive oil and sauteed 2 cloves of garlic (minced), 1 diced shallot, the corn off one ear, 10 or so whole grape tomatoes, and 3 diced carrots. When the shallots were translucent, I added the juice of two lemons, 1-2 teaspoons dried basil, and then the shrimp. Sauteed over medium heat for maybe 6-8 minutes, then covered over low heat for a few minutes while waiting on the steak. Swampy washed the tomatoes, minced the garlic, diced the carrots, and measured the basil. P-money sliced the corn off the cob, measured the oil and occasionally stirred.

I had it with Blue Moon Belgian White Beer. (But screw them for their all-Flash site.)

The combination of everything was freaking delicious, but the best part was cooking with the kids. We do that every once in a while, but I wish we (meaning I) would make a point to do it more often.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

slightly dramatized epic tale of youthful transgression

For best viewing experience click the first image and use viewer to scroll through images.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

We're only up to month four, people, it's going to be a long ride

Daddy’s first diaper change -OR- How Sweet Josephine Became Known as Sweet Exxon Valdez

| July 15th, 2005

Tuesday morning Sweet Josephine was in the hospital room with my wife and I and needed to have her diaper changed. I knew she needed her diaper changed because she contracted her entire 21 inches down to about 12 inches and grunted, releasing a funny little fart and a bad odor. Mom was in no shape to take on this task, so Dad jumped on the grenade and began to change the first diaper of what promises to be a long and illustrious career of diaper changing. Josephine is apparently a very sweet tempered baby. She did not scream or wail during the changing process. While I painstakingly swabbed her bottom with a washcloth, however, she did kick her feet — into, and out of, the steamy little black puddle in her now-open diaper.This resulted in flecks of meconium going everywhere. Sweet right? So I neutralize her little legs with one hand and use the other to continue swabbing. I get rid of the offending diaper. I continue wiping away, desperate to remove every speck of impurity from her perfect new skin. She farts. A little warning shot across the bow, if you will. I paid no heed and continued my wiping. Then the oil spill began. I swear she oozed soft black feces onto her clean blanket for a full minute or more. At least I prevented anymore poo-flinging with the feet, but damn I felt stupid. My friends, take heed, when a little girl farts in your face, it is no idle threat.
Might be my favorite post ever. Even my mom read that one.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

And another

Ask not for whom the bell tolls | June 18th, 2005 …it tolls for me.


But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? Tis the USMLE and I am fucked. Wish me luck.
This post exemplifies something that I find funny that a lot of people don't get. Absurd juxtaposition is comedic to me. Shakespeare and "I'm fucked" in consecutive sentences? Comedic gold, baby.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

More Greatest (ahem) Hits

Stop the inanity! | May 25th, 2005
A bacteria grown on blood agar can be described as alpha, beta, or gamma hemolytic. Alpha hemolysis denotes that the organism performs an incomplete lysis and is inferred from the green pigment surrounding the bacterial colonies. Beta hemolytic organisms perform complete hemolysis and have a clear halo around colonies. So let’s recap, we’ve got incomplete and complete hemolysis. What other type of hemolysis could there be that necessitates a gamma designation? Extra complete — for the microbe that gives 110%?
No, gamma hemolysis refers to the absence of lysis. WTF? That is not gamma hemolysis. It is simply NO hemolysis. These organisms are not hemolytic. I’ve come up with a few examples that show what life might be like if the microbiologists who thought up gamma hemolysis were in charge.
  • As he’s writing the ticket, you can explain to the police officer that you were a little confused about what to do at a gamma go sign.
  • Congratulations to hundreds of thousands of Americans who are no longer unemployed. They all have new gamma jobs!
  • I’m sorry, Mrs. Smith. We did all we could to save him, but Mr. Smith is now gamma alive.
  • Our president isn’t dumb. He’s simply gamma smart.
  • I am so incredibly gamma prepared to be a parent. I’ll probably gamma win father of the year.
  • Actually, the microbiologists tell me W really is dumb. Okay, but his ideals and policies are gamma representative of the citizenry.
I don't think this is funny any more, but I remember thinking it was hilarious when I wrote it.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Greatest Hits 2005-2012

I'm going to start a series of posts highlighting the posts on my various blogs throughout the years that still make me laugh. My wife thinks I'm an incredible narcissist because I go back and read things I wrote. I don't think that's true. I think I'm go back and read things I wrote because I'm an incredible narcissist. Also, that intro will not be in Llogg's Greatest Blogging Hits vol. 2.
Medical Vocab Lesson #2 w/bonus lame pun!
Psoriasiform (sorry-ass-a-form) adj: resembling psoriasis; regular acanthosis, parakeratosis and absence of the granular cell layer; slang: resembling something sorry-ass
Used in a sentence: One could characterize both the rash on my genitalia and my performance on the last exam as psoriasiform.
To my wife: Just kidding about the rash.
Unless she exPUNges me Excyst - v. intransitive, to emerge from a cyst, as protozoal sporozoites emerge from cysts to become trophozoites
If I were an infectious human parasite with a tropism for cardiac muscle I might say to my wife, "I only excyst in your heart," after she had contracted me by the fecal-oral route.

Hah! I kill me. That was a classic "groaner" for those not well-versed in the comedic arts. I know. THESE are the hits? They'll get better. Probably.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

I'd forgotten about this feature so prepare to be punished by my musical tastes

I sing this song to my little girl every morning, well, the chorus at least.

You Are My Sunshine by Johnny Cash on Grooveshark
But I'm thinking of starting to do the Ray Charles version.
You Are My Sunshine by Ray Charles on Grooveshark

Wednesday, April 11, 2012


1. I am dumb.  I predicated the biggest financial decisions of my life on the promises of others.  Dumb.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

I am what I was going to become.

I find myself, quite unexpectedly, at the cusp of middle age.  I am not old, yet, but there are things I could do in years past that I can do no longer.  Some things are best left behind.  I do not mourn, for instance, the ability to fight through the hangover wrought by the previous night's orange Mad Dog 20/20.  Nor do I mourn the fool that drank it.

Some things, however, I do miss.  Simple things.  Running far and fast without consequence.  Baseline fade-away jumpers.  Salsa without heartburn.

I miss the ability to read something once and own it forever.  I miss the openness to befriending a poor middle-aged black man who never had anything but a sweet stroke from 28 feet and a stern mother.  I miss not knowing what I would be when I grew up.

I do not know if I should regret the passing of certain things or rejoice in what has replaced them.  I admit I am nostalgic for my childhood, and yet I revel in my children.  I have pangs of yearning for the nights with Alejandro Escovedo, Del Castillo, and the woman who would become my wife.  And yet, I wear like a second skin the comfort of my quiet nights at home with my guitar, improvised lullabies, and the woman who has become the very spine that supports me and the legs that carry me forward. 

A stranger approached me at my grandmother's funeral recently and mentioned that she knew who I was because I stood throughout the service with my arms in a posture unique to my father.  As my grandfather sits in an ICU bed tonight, the world inches closer to the day when my father is no longer his father's son, but is instead my children's grandfather; when I am no longer the young man making his way, but am instead the man making way for his children; when my children no longer see my greatness, but see instead my mediocrity.

And that is my greatest regret.  I had opportunities for greatness thrust at me at every turn.  I was too meek, too stupid, or simply too average to grasp them.  But it is not the failure to achieve greatness that I regret.  It is the failure to recognize that the opportunities to do so were slipping away.  I did not choose mediocrity.  I simply failed to choose anything else.

So here I am.  I have grown up.  I stand like my father.  I may yet change, but my goals these days focus on refinement rather than metamorphosis.  The chrysalis has passed without my acknowledgment.  I am what I was going to become, and the thought leaves me on edge.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

My thoughts exactly

It's like this guy is living inside my head.

Sunday, February 26, 2012


1. So my grandmother died, which sucked.  It did force me to go home for the first time since moving up here, which in turn led me to inquire about a position in my home town when I'm done with this fellowship.
2. Ultimately I don't think my wife would be happy with that so it won't happen, even though it means turning down almost $200,000 more than I'll make in the Metroplex.  Ridiculous.
3. I've been listening to the Traditional Country Hymns station on Pandora a lot recently.  I like classic hymns like Amazing Grace, and that station has them by Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Allison Kraus, and Ralph Stanley.
4. I've also been playing Amazing Grace on guitar and transcribing it into every key I can.  That limits it to major keys, of course, but still, playing it in E instead of D makes a big difference in the voicing of chords you can use.
5. I need to have words with my future colleagues about some things.  Their offer is below market value, but I agreed to it because I wanted to work with these people.  The problem is that now several unexpected expenses have cropped up, which puts our ability to buy a house in jeopardy.  I promised my wife a house when we moved back and they are going to have to make that possible.
6. Fuck the Texas Medical Board.  I paid $1000 to apply for a license, which as far as I can tell is the most expensive license application in the country.  It then takes them four months to process it.  Unacceptable, and it gets worse.  After processing and approving the application they let it be known that you have to pay almost another $1000 to "register" your license.  Ludicrous!
7. When I said I was giving up college football I should have said "college football message boards" to be more accurate.
8. Texas has seven eight commitments now for the 2013 class.  None of them are "reaches" exactly, but only a couple are the absolute best in state at their position.
  --  Jake Raulerson is either an amazing OT prospect or a pretty good DE prospect depending on how his body develops.  Let's all hope for the 35+ pounds he needs to be the former.  If he only makes it halfway no reason he couldn't make a nice TE.
  --  Tyrone Swoopes is a guy Mack clearly hopes will by VY reincarnate.  I'm not seeing it, but he's hardly a reach.  If Brewer pans out then the QB this year is a moot point anyway.
  --  Kyle Hicks at RB is meh.  He's probably the 3rd or 4th best RB in state this year.  Doesn't really matter, since RB is hardly a priority this year given the guys already on campus.
  --  Jake Oliver, a 6'4"/200# WR, is the best recruit the Horns have so far.
  --  Ricky Seals-Jones, a 6'5"/220# WR/TE is probably the second best recruit they have.  He plays QB in high school, and I'm not sure there's a clear difference between him and Swoopes there right now.  You should read that as I think Swoopes would be better at another position rather than RSJ should be Texas's QB of the future.  RSJ is also straight balling for his HS basketball team, averaging 30 and 10 per game.
  --  A'Shawn Robinson has the potential to be a great OT.  The problem is he wants to play DT.  He's a good example of the Texas coaches' new philosophy of getting good athletes on campus and then sorting out where they play.  One of those guys who shouldn't be able to move like he does at the size he is.
 -- Deoundrei Davis has locked up the Ojo Cup for most ridiculous name in this class.  He's a a Derrick Johnson starter kit at LB.
  --  Jacory Warrick is apparently number 8.  He's the Kendall Sanders of this class -- excellent athlete with great size for CB or decent size for slot WR.  Good pickup.
9.  Texas A&M is off to a kick-ass start on their recruiting class.  They have 13 commits (at least two of which will decommit before signing day, I'm sure) with top 3 guys at QB (Stewart), RB (White), and DT (Golden).  While I wouldn't take him over Oliver or RSJ, their WR commit Derrick Griffin is a 6'7" guy who moves like a 6'1" guy.  They've probably taken a couple reaches, though.  Specifically their OL recruits are questionable, their other DT commit is JAG, and their DB recruits would not have caught Akina's eye.
10. Spring practice has started and it sounds like Ash has sewn up the starting QB spot so far.  Orlando "Duke" Thomas is making a splash at CB as an early-enrollee freshman.  Sheroid Evans better watch out or he'll get Wally Pipped.  Only one practice video has been put up, and it focused on Kenny Vaccaro.  That guy is shredded.  They're practicing in helmets and shorts and his jersey looks like it's stretched across shoulder pads.
11. NFL combine notes of interest:
 -- RGIII broke off a 4.41.
 -- Darron Thomas (Oregon) is an idiot.  You don't come out early as a mobile spread QB and run a damn 4.8.  Hello CFL.
 -- Cyrus Gray (TAMU) made some money today.  4.47 in the 40 and 21 reps of 225 on the bench press.  His 40 time was only 0.02 off of LaMichael James and Chris Rainey, the top speed backs in this class, and his bench shamed them.
 -- Darrell Scott (USF - punked UT coming out of HS) dropped a laughable 4.73 in the 40.  At his size to not see him on the bench press top performers is shameful.  Another cautionary tale unfolding before our eyes.  Mack Brown Curse, imo.
-- Marc Tyler (USC) also shuffled to a 4.76 in the 40.  Shocked.  Hell, Baylor's big boy Ganaway was faster than that (4.67).
-- Fozzy Whitaker just outside the top 10 on the bench press at 20 reps of 225.  For his size that's pretty impressive.  He won't get drafted, though.  He ought to finish out his graduate degree while rehabbing and training with Wylie for a year, then workout at Texas's 2013 Pro Day and get drafted in the third round after breaking off a 4.40.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Holy shit, you guys

Amazon Prime has the entire series of Farscape!  I will never have another productive day.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

So anyway

1. I am getting old.  My wasted youth haunts me as much as the spectre of future frailty and degeneration.
2. I can't run far enough or fast enough to get any cardio benefit because of my fucking knee.  I've tried 3 different styles of shoes.  I've done months of rehab, stretching and strengthening my core, hips, and thighs.  I've worn a knee brace.  All for naught.  At almost exactly 2.5 miles I start to feel a dull knife slipping into the side of my knee, in and out with each stride.  Sucks my balls.
3. Gray chest hair.  I mean, gray beard is one thing, but gray chest hair?  You have that shit and you are officially Not Young.
4. Read the Hunger Games in one sitting last night.  Poor decision as I finished around 3 a.m.  It was an interesting premise, but in the end, not that great a book.  It's a few notches above fucking Twilight but way below something like Scott Westerfeld's Leviathan series.
5. If you have called me in the last few days and haven't heard back it's not my usual ass-hattery.  My phone won't hold a charge more than 4-5 hours these days.  I've ordered a replacement battery hoping to get at least another 6 months out of this phone.
6. I use Linux almost exclusively at home now.  I've even managed to finagle all the needed access to the hospital network from my Linux desktop.  Having said that, I have to say I'm pretty intrigued by Windows 8.  It looks cool, unique, and functional.  If it's not a tremendous resource hog or security risk, I'll probably upgrade to it when I upgrade the computer.
7. If I do that I'll almost certainly also go with a Windows 8 phone when I upgrade.  I'd like to have as seamless a system as possible.  If there are a lot more Ice Cream Sandwich Android phones by the time I do this I'd probably consider it.
8. I don't really have anything against the iPhone or iOS ecosystem, but I'd rather not get invested in the most expensive hardware options.  Also the few places I've been have seemed to find it easier to provide remote access to non-Apple devices.  Maybe that's different at non-academic institutions.
9. I'm giving up college football and taking up  a more useful obsession.  Right now I'm leaning towards urban gardening.  M-star's very concerned I'm going to be hanging old milk jugs all over the place when we move into a house.
10. M-star's great-aunt just died.  Her dad has prostate cancer.  My grandmother is on death's door.  Apparently my grandfather is growing more seriously demented.  Fuck this shit.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Been struggling

Given my pending entry into the legitimate professional world I've been struggling with the notion of killing this thing off.  The world isn't likely to miss it or anything and it would be smart to limit the chances of anyone finding the offensive things I've written here and blacklisting me professionally.

Having said that, I'm not going to do the smart thing.  (Kind of like choosing to move to fucking Michigan for fellowship instead of taking the better opportunity to stay in Texas.)  Instead I've simply taken a few steps to further dissociate my personal accounts from the blog.

So, with that out of the way, let's talk about college football!!!11!!

Texas's 2012 Recruiting Class:

QB: Connor Brewer and Jalen Overstreet -- neither is ready to play immediately and if Ash develops and Texas gets the right guy next year, these guys may never play a down at QB for the Horns.  Overstreet looks like a comic book character.  Brewer looks like a suburban doucher with a smoking hot sister.  Neither looks like the second coming of VY (Brewer looks more like the second coming of Applewhite), though after a redshirt year either could probably be a serviceable D1 QB.
Grade: B

RB: Jonathan Gray and Daje Johnson -- HOMERUN.  Gray is the best back Texas has signed since Jamaal Charles and he's probably a better overall player than Charles.  Also, no speech impediment.  Daje Johnson is a bit of a midget but has sub-4.4 speed, fantastic quickness, and surprising toughness running through arm tackles at the high school level.  DJ Monroe with the ability to learn the playbook, imo.
Grade: A++

WR: Cayleb Jones, Marcus Johnson, and Kendall Sanders -- classic possession receiver in the Michael Irvin/Keyshawn Johnson mold; smooth outside receiver who has good size, good speed, good hands, and good polish running routes (though great at none of these); and electric athlete who could kill it from the slot (or dominate at CB like he did in his All Star game).  These guys form a cohesive group in which each player complements the others.  Individually only Sanders is probably a homerun, but taken as a collective they are stellar.
Grade: B+

OL: Camrhon Hughes, Kennedy Estelle, Curtis Riser, and Donald Hawkins -- I don't know shit about what separates a good high school lineman from a schlub, but I know all of these guys are fucking huge.  Hawkins dwarfs most of the Texas OL from 2008 - 2011.  Clearly a change in philosophy with regard to recruiting this position.
Grade: A

TE: nobody -- Texas reached out to a guy in California who was supposed to be a stud, but he has a Greek last name, so he can't be that great an athlete.  Honestly, I'm pretty sure Hercules was the last Greek that did shit at the elite level.  Caleb Bluiett was recruited as a DE but could move to TE if needed.  He's a guy who would bring DJ Grant's pre-injuries athleticism together with the size (but hopefully not the study habits) of Dominique Jones.  Need to get a stud or two next year fo shizzle.
Grade: D

DT: Malcom Brown, Brandon Moore, Alex Norman, Paul Boyette -- Brown is Tommie Harris in Burn Orange.  Moore is a guy who played for Nick Saban as a true freshman at Bama (actually recorded some tackles against Texas in the Rose Bowl), so, you know, he's probably a'ight.  Norman and Boyette seem like JAGs.  Norman used to weigh 60 pounds more than his current listed weight.  Dude has no neck at his current weight.  I bet he looked like a damn frightened turtle at 330+.
Grade: A

DE: Toshiro Davis, Hassan Ridgeway, Bryce Cottrell, Caleb Bluiett -- Speed, power, slightly less speed, slightly less power.  Davis is the guy they stole from LSU at the last minute.  Pure speed rusher who could be a Brian Orakpo starter kit.  Ridgeway is a monster who was probably never challenged at the high school level.  He could grow into a DT.  Cottrell is possibly just a warm body, but he was stolen from Oregon a few days before signing day, and, well, fuck Oregon, that's why.  Bluiett is an athletic guy with good size.  I could see him growing into a Tim Crowder.
Grade: A+

LB: Peter Jinkens, Tim Cole, Dalton Santos, Alex De La Torre (no relation to Coach Joey) -- I'll be honest, this group is full of reaches.  Jinkens brings a lot of speed to the OLB position, but he's not the biggest guy and probably never will be.  If he can cover he'd be a badass strong safety, but I'm not sure about his future as a LB.  Cole is just a guy whose best attribute may have been his influence with teammate Malcom Brown.  Santos is a thick white guy with a bit of a gut and a reportedly Bosworthian attitude.  Thick white dudes in the middle of the defense don't tend to work out well for Texas in the Mack Brown era.  ADLT (yes, that's apparently what he answers to) is a coach's son.  He's a potential fullback candidate, so I guess there's that.
Grade: C

CB: Bryson Echols, Orlando Thomas, Kevin Vaccaro -- This is a weird group.  On paper Echols is not an elite CB prospect, but he reportedly showed well against stud WRs at his All Star game.  Thomas is an elite athlete from the home of RGIII who has never played DB.  As long as Akina's around I have faith in those types of projects.  Vaccaro junior (pronounced yoon-yer) is small and slow and his older brother would stay for his senior year if Mack gave him a scholarship.  Worth it?  I don't know.  I've never been as impressed with Vaccaro as lots of other people.  Diggs and Byndom have that shit on lock for the next couple of years anyway.  2013 class needs to hit big on CBs.
Grade: B

S: Adrian Colbert -- Blazing speed.  Hits like a truck.  Overcame a broken back after getting run over by a literal truck as a kid.  I don't know why anyone let this kid play football when he's apparently an elite track athlete anyway, but if he's going to play I'd rather he play for Texas.  Mack stole him from Baylor, which I am torn about.  I mean, I want Baylor to do well, but at the same time, I think Art Briles is a dick.
Grade: A

Overall grade: B+ to A-
The upgrades along the line of scrimmage combined with the stud athletes at the skill positions (other than QB) of the last two classes augur for a national championship in 2013/2014.

I haven't kept up with Baylor's class in anywhere near the same level of detail, but I do think they signed a better class than Texas A&M (or really any in-state school not named UT).  The Ags only signed two or three real difference makers -- Thomas Johnson at WR, Trey Williams at RB, Devante Harris at DB.  None of their offensive or defensive linemen are anything to write home about.  Meanwhile, Baylor signed a tier-one DE (Javonte Magee), a tier-one OL (Tre-Von Armstead), and two stud WRs (Corey Coleman and Kiante Griffin).  Thomas Johnson and Trey Williams are probably the best players overall, but Baylor got the upgrade in the trenches that will push them further up the ladder down the road.

That's all I have to say about that.  Well, that and fuck Michigan.

P.S. If you want to keep up with the nonsense on here but are frustrated by my sporadic posting, hit up the RSS.

Friday, January 6, 2012

say hello to the New Year, same as the old year

1. Started the year off alone and cold when M* and the kids rolled out to Chicago, leaving me to walk the streets of Ann Arbor in a delightful bit of weather called "wintry mix" that we don't have in Texas. Wintry mix is when every form of cold and wet happens at once. Usually windy, too.

2. Six months of dealing with bullshit at U of M. Hope I make it. I was asked to cover for someone last minute due to exceedingly poor planning on the parts of several people. When I emailed the HNIC asking for details about this new duty that I'd never performed before (e.g., how long should I plan for this to take, what do I actually do, and so forth) and gave the reason for asking (i.e., my other duties didn't stop for this and I need to plan my busy day) the response I got was "We are all busy. You will know how to do it after you do it." Wow. Fuck this place.

3. It was 48 degrees this evening. I'm being cheated of my one chance at a legit winter.

4. If anyone who reads this is ever applying for a state medical license and hears from someone that using FCVS is a good idea because it will make things smoother, please know that this is completely false. Those fuckers are ruining my career right now.

5. House hunting is fun over the internet, but I'm sure to get fucked in the end. I'm not real good at "life."

6. My neighbors above me are fucking right now. Their rhythm sucks.

7. My prediction for Texas's final record was pretty spot on. I even predicted them winning the Holiday Bowl, albeit I was way off on the opponent and Oregon would have murderized this team.

8. Vegas is paying 30:1 on Texas to win it all next year. If I had $10k to lose I'd take that bet. The schedule sets up nicely with only KSU, OU, and WVU likely to cause major problems.

9. Looking at #7 I was also pretty right about Baylor, though a retarded monkey could have picked up the things I said about them. Crashing back to earth next year though.

10. Texas just lost their best WR recruit, Thomas Johnson, who will probably end up at Oregon. He's a big time player, but when you can have a lot of success with Nate Jones as your primary WR, you've proven that elite WRs aren't one of the biggest keys for a successful team. Hell, Matt Millen proved that with the Detroit Lions. Well, I suppose he proved a corrollary, which is that the presence of elite WRs does little to nothing to overcome deficiencies in other positions on the field.

11. Shit, meant to stop at 10.