I've had my share of other peculiar kinds.

Seriously.  Direct quote.

I have no idea what the context for this was. I know we were in the car driving around Riverside Park in Victoria, but I'm not sure if there was an event for cripples that screwed with traffic or we couldn't find parking even though there were dozens of empty handicap spots or what. It sure was funny though.

Now you know

We were in Brownsville, Texas, for one of Ojo's football games and spent the night there because it's a pretty long drive back to Victoria.  The next morning we eat in the restaurant attached, or very near, to the motel we stayed in.   It took a very long time to get our food.  I don't remember thinking the place was all that busy, but mostly I was focused on not doing anything to draw the wrath I could see brewing in my dad's eyes with each passing second.  I mean, there were two -- not one, but two -- hot high school cheerleaders eating with us.  After we finally eat our cold breakfast tacos and everybody's filing out, my dad goes up to pay for the meal.  The cashier is this teenage Mexican girl, probably 16 or 17.  My dad lays into her, giving her his best look of contempt and finishing with the line above.  Of course, we were never coming back to Brownsville anyway, so his edict was a little hollow.

My heart bleeds for the Snicker-Snack Company

Not the most classic of my Dad's utterances, but revealing nonetheless.  I can't recall the specific instances when I've heard this, but they've all been since reaching adulthood.

are there any openings on the lunatic fringe?

Really a companion piece to last week's post.  This is another personal favorite from the second worst-night of my life.  Read more here if you didn't previously.

suddenly I've lost all my enthusiasm

A personal favorite of mine, I've told the story here.

the Sam Snead of music!

I wish I had been present for this one. Snake and my dad were out at the site of my uncle's new house. They were helping out with some landscaping or construction or something. I think there was a family function like Thanksgiving or a big football game or something that night, so my Dad wanted to hurry up and get done. My aunt, whom my Dad never seemed to care for all that much, kept whining about some nonsense or other, delaying the departure to whatever my dad wanted to get to.
When they finally get to leave, my dad pantomimes a conversation with my aunt for Snake. He gets one of his patented "utter disgust" faces and begins, staring into an empty area as if she were there. "I just wanted to say to her, 'You listen here, you silly little bitch.'" This is the one I imaging my wife says about me most often when I'm not around.

It's like trying to forget the H-bomb!

Apparently there's an undertaker in my hometown who doesn't like my dad. I know this because my dad expressly said "If I die, don't take me to him. He might try to cut my dick off or something." As he said it he made a slicing motion with his hand. The fact that he was not kidding in the slightest made it all the funnier. Someone else will have to remember how this came up in conversation.

This post got bumped up the order after Snake brought it up in the comments last week.