Wednesday, July 23, 2008

most of life's problems are too complicated

This is a relatively recent one, from my cousin's high school graduation party in May. I should say the quote is recent, but the reference is quite old.

My uncle had recently had his home absolutely trashed by a derelict kid he and my aunt had foolishly taken under their wing. He was describing the mayhem that greeted them on their return from a weekend trip. This sounds like a hell of a party the kid threw at their house: semen in all the sheets, smell of urine everywhere, brand new (expensive) grill overrun with ash and grease. It sounded like the kid had made zero effort to clean up afterwards.

My uncle mentioned all the ruination wrought on his possessions, but what he focused on was the betrayal and insecurity this aroused in him. Not to mention the anger. In my uncle's own words he was about two minutes from going to prison for a very long time when he first got his hands on this kid.

My dad brought up his similar experience when our house got robbed by our fat neighbor while we were camping on vacation one year. He, too, felt that the loss of possessions was secondary to the emotions effected by the robbery, which he likened unto non-consensual receptive anal intercourse.

7 comments:

Ojo Rojo said...

What aunt and uncle? What kid? I haven't heard about this. Do tell.

Anal rape is probably dad's greatest fear. Mine too.

llogg said...

Uncle Pete had taken in some wastrel friend of Patrick's who had gotten kicked out of his house. He was actually living with them for a while until he pulled this.

allbilly said...

It cracked me up to read "fat neighbor"....i often feel a bit bad for describing people as "fat" and honestly.....these days...it might be easier to point out the skinny people.

i'd think any "rape" would be horrible....

llogg said...

billy, "fat neighbor" was the nicest thing I could think to say about the guy. And I'm sure you're right about the rape thing, but the thought of somebody going up my down staircase pretty well tops the list.

Snake Diggity said...

LMAO. Classic.

You know, if given the choice between lifelong blindness and having my dirt star pounded by Charles Oakley, I say let ol' Chuck in. Blindness is my ultimate fear. Anal rape is a distant 2nd.

Round Brown.
Chocolate Starfish.
Sphincter.
Anus.
Exit wound.
Pooper.
Fudge Emission Device (FED).
Strongest Muscle.
Reliever.
Closer.
Noisemaker.
Red Eye.
Stinky wink.
Balloon Tie.
Enema Receptacle.
Danger Zone.
No Fly Zone.
Anti-Matter.
Curled Index Finger.
Butthole.
Asshole.
Cornhole.
The place that shall not be mentioned.
End of the taint.
Outbox.
#2 executer.
Gouged Eye.
Tight Spot.
Forbidden Country.
Tarnished Ring.
The Undiscovered Country.

I could keep going.

Ojo Rojo said...

I wonder how many years Corey Haswell has spent in prison.

I also wonder how much Michelle Haswell weighs.

llogg said...

I laughed my ass off at "balloon tie".

I'm going to set the over/under for Corey at 8 years and for Michelle at 220 pounds.

I'm taking the under on Corey and the over on Michelle.