Changed up the format for this one because the quote was so long. I thought about just using "You know he ain't clean!" but ultimately liked this way.
Recently I was home and the subject of eating at my grandparents' came up. For some reason my parents, especially my mom -- but dad, too, have always had a hangup about eating at my grandparents' home. I will probably never figure out what the reason was years ago, but I have a clue as to why my dad resists it currently. His dad, my grandfather, has gotten infirm at an accelerated pace the last few years. He can't raise his arms above his head, he can't turn his neck, he's nearly blind from glaucoma and macular degeneration, he's only not deaf in comparison to his wife, and he's got some mild cognitive impairment. Also my grandmother has chronic pain issues and probable psychiatric problems, so he is doing most of the cooking and putting away of food. According to my dad, Pawpaw no longer has the strength or dexterity to use utensils for putting food away, so all the turkey and gravy, mashed potatoes, brisket, and green beans get picked up in his bare hand and tossed into a container that he assumes is clean (because he can't see for himself).
Anyway, while I was home we were trying to plan out the next day's events and the subject of eating at Mamaw and Pawpaw's came up. Dad put on uber-disgust face and uttered, "I will not eat there, ever." I laughed and asked why. The response is above, delivered with the disgust turned up to 11. My favorite part is the end where you have to imagine why this former physician wouldn't be clean. It gets a lot less funny when you realize it can only be because he either can't move his arms enough to get to the soap and water, he's too blind or otherwise sensorally impaired to find the soap and water, or he's too demented to remember to wash his damn hands after he wipes his ass -- if he can reach his asshole in the first place.
God this post went depressing on me in a hurry. I miss playing Scrabble with Pawpaw. I miss it a lot.