51 weeks to go

Here are few random thoughts as the first legit week in Ann Arbor winds down.

1. The people up here are thick. Probably fewer morbidly obese folks than the Metroplex, but there are no skinny people. Except the Asians.

2. I'm developing an awe of poor people. Just trying to live for a week without a car is very difficult, and it's probably easier in Ann Arbor than most places. It took me 90 minutes to buy $20 worth of groceries today. 30 minutes to walk to the store, 20 minutes to shop, and 40 minutes to carry all that shit back.* This weekend I had to pay $3.50 per load to do a single load of laundry at a time in the basement of my apartment because I didn't want to spend 40 minutes on a bus carrying my dirty laundry around. Basically being poor means you have to actually pay MORE to do a lot of things. Totally fucked.

3. My coworkers are total caricatures.
-- Super hard core gunner Asian chic
-- Indian guy who came to America and tasted alcohol for the first time and has never looked back
-- former Mormon who broke from the church and now drinks liquor and caffeine in the morning just to spite them
-- Arabic guy who spends all day trying to cut deals on the phone (while I take care of shit we are actually supposed to be doing) and makes at least 3 suggestions per day regarding things the department should pay for (like home internet bill, new laptop, mobile 3G hotspot device, etc)**

4. Ann Arbor never got the memo that rollerblading is douchey. On the flip side the bus drivers all wave make conversation with you.

5. Mother-in-law will be staying with us a few days after helping the wife and kids drive up. If she sleeps in our bed I don't know how her daughter's going to explain the carpet burns with a straight face.

* Bagger put my bananas in the same bag as the milk. By the time I got home I had banana mush and a slimy milk jug. Pissed.

** Not really a caricature so much as just annoying.

llogg vs low-flow toilet

no contest.

Curse my winning personality

Hi, Llogg

I understand from Dr. Maine McMaineypants that you had a conversation with both he and one of his partners. They like you very much and are wondering if you and your family might like to come for an interview.

Let me know your thoughts.

Kind Regards,

Recruiter Chic

Shit just got real, yo.

random thoughts from my first few days in Michigan

1. "Yes, I dented the rain gutter with this big ass truck. You don't exercise or eat enough vegetables. So, we've both made mistakes, but mine won't lead to early stroke and heart attack. You. Fat. Fucking. Cow."

2. "Sure, Father-in-law, it sounds like a great idea to take you sight-seeing in downtown Ann Arbor in a giant fucking truck. I'm sure nothing bad will happen, like running into a rain gutter because you said I was clear while backing up."

3. The only nice people I've encountered in Ann Arbor have been my apartment manager and a waitress.

4. I shouldn't have come. I'm endangering the mission. If the mission is being able to sleep and be happy, I mean.

5. First shit I took in new apartment was too much for the toilet to handle. I guess everything really is bigger in Texa(n)s.

6. Aside from the people, Ann Arbor is awesome. Lush green everywhere, highs in the 80s, hundreds of fireflies at night.

P.S. Changed sidebar video.

fuckshitcocksuckermotherfuckerdicklickingcuntassholepieceofshitmotherfuckingshitfacecumbubblefuckhead

VA hiring flowchart

Presented without comment.

Things I can't say on Facebook: 6

My sister-in-law's two roommates are a lesbian and a prostitute. Seriously, WTF? The lesbian thing is no big deal, although she's an "arty" lesbian not a butch one and I suspect in two years it will all be a phase she was going through. The prostitute is the shocker. Apparently she gets $500 per date as an escort and always has sex with the guy. Does she not know about stripping? Although, she would probably not be that successful as a stripper because she is simply not that attractive. Which raises the question as to who the fuck is paying $500 to bang an unattractive chic? I mean, is that really the going rate for mediocre whores? Anyway, I've already started drafting my "It Is Not Okay To Associate With Prostitutes" speech for Phenie.